what does it take to "go home"?

Before you read this, let me warn you first that this entry might be one of the most truthful entries of mine. So if you feel annoyed or disturbed and you feel like you haven't really known me, feel free to leave. If you agree, read on and decide yourself about the answer for the question I posted?

Yes, seriously what does it take to "go home"?
What do I mean buy "go home" in this context? The term applies to international students who are going to graduate sooner or later and their student visas will expire; therefore, going home for them basically refers to going back to their motherlands after years of studying abroad in a totally different but rich and well-developed country as compared to their owns.
Its funny cuz I ask what it takes those students to go back, of course "free" since its their countries (well excluding the airplain tickets, obviously) I myself have never thought something "free" could be so hard to do or accomplish.
Lets think about it. Being here for most of your college life (which is by the way can be the most critical time of your life, I believe), you are getting so used to this life-style (this pure capitalist life-style) that you never going to see it again in your country. You have friends here. You have your jobs here. You know your way around. You used to the weather. How does it feel to give up all you have developed for the past years and go back to your home, which is 2nd or 3rd world country.

Here are more of the break-dowm opportunities cost (Im an econ major, i cant help):
- Your drinking and college party
- Your freedom of speech
- Your fun time at the mall, swiping whatever that is one your credit card, because you need to get this cute dress or cute jacket right away, so you can maintain your "you're asian, you're stylish" attitude.
- Your eating out habits, or your ordering pizza on the phone...
- Time/people to speak American English
- Time to speak in class, or anywhere freely if you're pissed about anything
- Your fast and never-break-down internet
- Shame: because how come every one else studied abroad like you and they got the job in the state and you did not.
- All the smily faces around campus
- Laundry (they dont use dryers in your country, sorry!)
- No curfew watsoever!
- Junkie food (well, sometimes it could be sad not to have them, to be totally honest)
- Going to meetings and seriously planning events of your ideas or interests
- Having assets that when you brought back to vietnam, you were thought to be cool and sophisticated to have them
- Think and speak critically
- and a lot more

Although I have used the word "you" a lot above, I personally meant myself, Hang Pham. Only by writing them down, I realize the sacrifice I have to make if I "go home". Isnt it ridiculous in the last 3 years, I always get excited to go home. Now the concept is so much more intimidating because "go home" this time literally means to go back and live there (where I have not lived for 3 years). Sometimes I feel ashamed of myself because I couldnt pass those materialistic things to have the courage to go home, I even faked it by saying "well i dont want to go home yet because I want to work here for a little bit". It is 50% true, however, 50% is more because I was not ready to picture my future life living in Vietnam for the next couple of years.
But... (yes, there is always "but") after I wrote them down and reread it over and over, it was like lightening hit the ground, all of the sudden, I figured "well, they aren't actually that much of of cost, aint they". Why not, because when I think about the benefits of going back, those costs just start disappearing as the benefits I could think of keep increasing.

And here they are:
- Good and delicious food every day.
- Having my own scooter to go pretty much every where (although I hate the helmet)
- Good friends and just great reunions coming
- My own room in the new house (i cant wait to decorate it myself)
- No more worries about family problem since I am now closer to them. At least I can do someting if anything ever happens (heaven forbids)
- Getting my car driver license
- Start working and looking for jobs without skipping those jobs that said "start immediately"
- Volunteering
- Eat dog meat anytime (this is the best!)
- Coffee and cigarettes = the ultimate breakfast dessert
- A chance to learn all the street name in downtown (its actually quite fun)
- House parties are quite possible
- Travel Vietnam as I never made it before.
- Taking great pictures of Hanoi, its just the best city in my heart!
- Open my own business
- Hang out with my wife and celebrate next year's Tet also the same day as her bday
- Attending moon festivals with my girls
- Feel the autumn and spring of Hanoi
- Hang out with the japanese kids from kanda who will be studying abroad there too
- Spending time studying GRE for grad school
- ...

wow, so much to get me excited already. so what do I say, it only takes you to undertake your own fear to "go home", and that is it!

All of the sudden, I just havent felt the pressure for getting a job here at all. And you know something funny, its also when suddenly so many opportunities come knock on my door.

Life is just wonderful!