Friendship

Lately I've been thinking a lot about friendship.
When I was little, friendship was such a simple thing. We just kinda went to school, studied together, play some games when there was break time... It was sweet, fun and simple. No one really upset any one, cuz life was quite simple as well, every body pretty much had the same values and ways of living.

I also used to have a best friend. Used to be very sure that we could have been best friends forever, like other best friends we saw on TV. Then comes high school we parted. Then comes studying abroad and college we parted again. And each time I came home for a visit, I realized a gap has already been built between us. The gap was named "awkwardness", "misunderstanding", "not-so-sharing", .... so we became casual friends, or acquaintances or ex-bestfriends.

I moved on and found a couple of new friends. It was so hard at this age to have a best friend, really, because now every one is one grow up individual with complex needs and wants. Therefore, each one will have different friends to meet their own needs and wants. Like I would have my tennis/sport friends, but then I dont go out drinking partying with them, instead I would have party buddies,... or sometimes, I would have studying partners. In the end, i guess I am myself's best friend.

Anyway, since friendship is just like one kind of relationships, and relationship is quite drama and hard to break up... How would you break up with a friend?
You met this really cool girl (well, first impression), then you started hanging out a lot. After a while you realize you can't really be friend with her, especially for the long term... Although she is totally nice, she makes you feel so uncomfortable sometimes and it hurts your self-esteem to be around her... what would you do? How would you "break up" with her?

I am a person of principles. Only just a little thing that upset me, I usually would think that that little thing was a thin-slice of a big picture (not generalizing). Therefore, maybe thats why I don't really have a lot of friends, because I take a long time to get to know them, I dont want to call them friends right away to establish the casual friendship. Instead I go slowly in getting to know their true self, so that if something happens, and if they violates my "principles", I can "break up" with them and say... yeah I dont hang out with her/him anymore without being too awkward...

Anyway, this is a pretty shitty entry... Im just having a lot in my mind that I need somewhere to throw it out. So sorry I have not been updating. More productive posts will be coming soon.